Grrr

Can't seem to get this freaking progress bar to work. I know nothing about HTML but I should be able to follow directions from someone else. Nice, numerical directions.

Poop.

On a more positive note, paper's almost done. Just the conclusion to write.

So, a few more hours slog tomorrow, then up to UBC, then off to the motor vehicle branch to renew my license.

EDIT: ooh...found working html code. Nevermind. Though the paper's still not done. Ahem.

Deny deny deny

That's it. I now have a 24 hour self-imposed deadline in which I must finish cranking out 8 pages of the "Relevance of Morals in Existential Psychotherapy." Though to finish, I suppose I must begin. You know, I was excited about this topic at the beginning and I have lots of ideas in germination, but there seems to be significant mental blockage in firstly planning a coherent and interesting structure with tidy borders and meaningful blocks of colour and texture and secondly actually planting the ideas into a limited 8 pages of space.

I'd much rather give an oral presentation right about now. You know, open my mouth, and hope the ideas knit themselves together into some kind of organized argument. Sort of....verbal fertilizer from my compost heap of ideas.

So far, in my fermenting pile of paper progress, I have accumulated 4 pages of referenced but unorganized key concepts I'd like to include, 6 books and 15-odd papers, and 3 pages of single spaced draft work. However, I've managed to do this in 2 weeks - an over abundance of time as far as I'm concerned. My well meaning prof extended the deadline for this paper from Friday to Monday, and then dropped oh so casually that he wouldn't likely to be in to pick up said papers until Noon on Tuesday. So really, I have no need to begin until Monday at about 9 am. I'm pretty sure given enough strain and duress that I could produce the 2000-ish words in that time frame. However, the longer I delay, the longer I will dwell, and so I've set limits.

Lets rewind a bit and review my progress:

Things I am not allowed to do until my paper is finished Draft #1

Purchase Harry Potter #7
Read Harry Potter #7

Actions completed unrelated to paper:
Read 30 pages of book club book
Knitted 2 more inches of sleeve
Watched 3 movies on the Turner Classic Movies Channel
Look up weather on internet to find out whether yogathon fundraiser is still happening in the rain.

Hm....this list seems to be completely unsuccessful at motivating a enthusiastic beginning. In fact, I seem to be in total denial that I actually have to get anything done. Lets try again:

Things I am not allowed to do until my paper is finished Draft #2

Purchase Harry Potter #7
Read Harry Potter #7
Attend yogathon fundraiser
Watch television at all
Read fiction
Knit (and this is a meaningful limit)

Actions completed unrelated to paper:

Pestered cats. (see photo)
Read 92 pages of book club book (apparently I wasn't taking myself seriously)
Read knitting reference guides about blocking sleeve
Talked with dad and stepmom on phone
Searched for knitting groups online
Made and drank extra coffee
Bugged Aaron
Started blog posting




Hmm...seems to be an inverse relationship between number of limits and paper-completion related activity. Lets try a final draft

Things I am not allowed to do until my paper is finished Draft #3
Purchase Harry Potter #7
Read Harry Potter #7
Attend yogathon fundraiser
Watch television at all
Read fiction (SERIOUSLY THIS TIME)
Read anything on the internet unrelated to paper
Knit (and this is a meaningful limit) or do anything knitting related
Notice cats unless they are dying or breaking something
Notice spouse unless he is bringing me presents (come on, I have to have some kind of out)
Leave office unless I have to pee
Drink anything other than tap water unless husband has brought it as a present (see above)
Answer the phone. scratch that - too open. USE the phone.

Sigh....

I really need to get this thing done.

Procrastination

So here I sit, a copy of Ashman & Winstanley's article entitled "Business ethics and existentialism" before me. And what do I do? Actually read it and use the ideas contained within to work on my paper (due by the way, in less than a week)? No, oh no. Rather, I begin yet another blog in which I will likely write for a while and then delete. Ironic, no, that my focus these days has been on the nature of morality within existentialism?

According to Sartre, we all have the freedom to chose, yet within that choice comes the responsibility to authentically act and live and be, and take the responsibility for those actions. It is right that I subject any who might stumble across this blog with a confusing skein of mental perturbations? Perhaps, like several other disorders, fellow procrastinators may come across this blog which will act as a trigger and initiate their own procrastinating behaviour tendencies? As we make a choice, according to existential thought, we don't merely make it for ourselves, but we make it for all. Because by nature, we are interconnected beings and we yearn for a sense of relation to others to overcome the angst of the inevitability of death. So perhaps this is just an enactment for that existential longing for connectedness.

Perhaps this is a bunch of crap.

So here's been by latest forays into procrastination. Actually, let me digress. I've been engulphed for the last 2.5 weeks in a sea of counselling theories. I, for a variety of reasons, am taking courses over my summer holidays and needed to take a survey course on various theories of counselling and psychotherapy. Its an intense process: 3 hours per day of class, 6 hours per day of reading and homework. My life has been little but read, highlight, bus, listen, write, read, bus, read, write, highlight for the last 3 weeks. I've put myself under considerable pressure to succeed - I may want to use this course as a prerequisite for a masters degree, so I'd like to do well. However, my eczema's resurfaced and last night, I woke up at 3 am convinced that mosquitoes were sucking out every drop of blood I had to spare. Turns out they were hives, because after an hour of sleeplessness, they disappeared. No bites - hives only. Sigh... So in dealing with this inordinate amount of self-imposed work, I've spend some time lately working on procrastination. What have I been doing.... lets see.

Well, there's of course the knitting:

I'm currently working on a sleeve for the "one Dollar Cardigan" in IK Spring 2007. Lovely undyed alpaca.

There's coffee. I always have time to grind fresh beans, fill the press, and consume copious amounts of caffeine.

There's facebook - the eternal time suck.



There's free concerts given by the VSO at Deer Lake Park in Burnaby. Much more fun than deconstructing feminist psychotherapy. See?
(I think this is during William's Star Wars Suite)


Though why people would fight through a crowd of thousands for a patch of grass and a limited view corridor only to TALK through the whole concert on a cell phone, and subject everyone else to their conversation in the process is beyond the scope of my understanding.

Procrastination seems to be my vice and my savior. In once sense, it prevents me from accomplishing things I really should do. In another, it keeps me whole and sane. So here I sit, poised in the precipice of tumbling into a muppet-show inspired Animal-like meltdown, blogging.